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If you've spent any amount of time online recently, chances are you've run into something called a "captcha." No, a captcha isn't another product from Splenda Co., the OG of brand names that force you to speak like a Staten Island Ginzo.

(Getty Images: Hey Ant'ny, pass me tha fuckin Splenda, will ya?)

Rather, a captcha is one of these doohickies:

You've all seen them. Whether you're discussing how overrated Eli Manning is in your Red Sox forum, subscribing to your favorite footjob site, or simply trying to purchase tickets to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular (Never was there ever such a CHRIST-MAS-SHOW!), chances are you've had to interpret one of these cryptic messages in order to finish your transaction.

I don't know about you guys, but this has been a frustrating technological development for me. First of all, it can be exceedingly difficult to figure out just what in God's name these captchas are saying. Most of the captchas that I've come across look like someone just flushed a toilet bowl full of diarrhea from a man who only eats Alphabits.

Second of all, you always have to figure out these nuisances while you're trying to frantically buy tickets to a concert or game, when every tick of the sedond hand equals 10 rows further into the nose bleeds.

But what bothers me the most about these captchas is that they seem to get creepier and creepier every day. I don't know if this is some "Disney animators putting dicks in The Little Mermaid" shit, or if random programs are generating these things, but some of the captchas I've come across lately have been downright obscene.

Here's a perfect example. Take a look at this captcha I had to get past while buying a messenger bag last week:


That doesn't seem to be too random to me. I mean, If you think about it, it's almost like the IT guys at Manhattan Portage were calling me a whipped little bitch.

What's that you say -- you're not sold? You think that submissive could just be a random word generated by a random-word-generating program? Well how about this captcha that I found while trying to order a bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel through delivery.com:

I mean, that's just downright racist, isn't it? You can't tell me that was automatically generated. I think I can even see a devil head in there somewhere.

But if that wasn't bad enough, and just when I thought they couldn't get any worse, I came across the following captcha while trying to buy tickets to a Hannah Montana concert:

I mean, come on! That's just fucking disgraceful. Ticketmaster, you should be ashamed of yourself.